How i diet

6:00 am: (Facing the mirror whilst doing sit ups…ok ok TRYING to do sit ups) Now look here missy! Today is the day! TODAY IS THE DAY! Teenu, you have been wrecking your body with utter crap. You look like a blimp and feel like a wimp. TODAY you make a change. TODAY you are going to cleanse your body, mind and soul

6:10 am: That’s it. Stir that hot water honey and lime good. One spoon of honey? This is a huge glass and it’s your first day. You can have two spoons or maybe three. It’s ok. Honey good.

7:00 am: Must. Crawl. Must. Find. Chair. Ok so the first day of aerobics bombed royally! Why didn’t i just start at the beginners level. It’s ok. It’s fine. I’m sure i have lost atleast a 1000 calories! For sure!

7:15 am: Oats. Oats.OATS. Note to self: Repeating the word 30 times does not inprove taste. Maybe i’ll just splash a bit of caramel sauce on top. I have to take it easy on my 1st day. Plus i lost a 1000 calories and all, so…

7:30 am: I swear i did not mean to finish half the bottle of caramel sauce. The stupid nozzle is too big and it was too runny. An idiotic crow somewhere outisde screeched to kingdom come and scared me so i accidentally poured more in…fine, fine i had oats flavoured caramel sauce for breakfast. I will compensate by having only a vegetable salad for brunch.

8:00 am: I told her a millions times about my diet. TODAY is the day i told her. I’m going to diet i told her. Good got you mole says my mum and then she goes and makes Puri and aloo curry for breakfast. I must resist. I will not be defeated by a puffed up Indian bread and some chopped up tubers. Just because the puris are fresh and crispy and the aloo is spicy and delicious i will not weaken! Ha! Iron will Teenu they call me.

9:30 am: So maybe my iron will has become a little rusty. Sure i had 3 puris and enough aloo to fill a field but ACTUALLY, i just compensated for the 1000 calories i lost so TECHNICALLY, i haven’t lost calories and haven’t gained any either! Ha!

9:45 am: I’m hungry

10:00 am: I totally chucked the left over pizza in the fridge and ate an apple. Pat on the back for me!

10:15 am: *Google Search* Does left over pizza have the same calories as fresh pizza? DAMN! Ok no problem. I did walk up and down the stairs THRICE while deciding whether to eat the pizza so there you go…calories lost! Yay *silently sobbing inside*

11:00 am: I’m hungry

11:30 am:  Why does time move slowly when I’m dieting. I’m going to close my eyes and calm myself down and when i open them it’s going to be 12:00.

11:30 am: Bloody hell!

12:00 pm: I’m so stressed out from all this dieting, i think i’ll have an early and light lunch

12:01 pm: Pork! Mum made pork for lunch! Pork! Excuse me a moment. I need to go smash my head against a wall

1:00 pm: If you look at pork as a villan, it will be a villan. I always see pork as a friend. Friends are nice to you. So all that pork i ate will be nice to me too. And i had to take that second helping of rice! I hate eating curry without any rice! I did have a vegetable salad though so you can’t fault me completely so there!

2:00 pm: There is a box of limited exition Godiva in the frige. Limited. Edition. Godiva

2:30 pm: Limited edition no longer available

2:31pm: Ok in my defense, i was feeling low on sugar and so damn giddy! Plus i like having fruits after meals and these truffles had fruit fillings in them! So that’s my daily dose of fruits done. And some were dark chocolate. I was helping my diet really! *cringe*

3:00 pm: *Google Search* why am i constantly hungry?

4:00 pm: I think i’ll exercise for a bit. I need some peppy music

5:00 pm: *with headphones on and feet up* Everyone’s watching her…but she’s looking at youuuu. Perfect! This song is just…oh! Is it 5:00 already? Darn! Time for my green tea. I’ll do my pre dinner work out to compensate.

6:00 pm: I hate my neighbour aunty! Just when i was gagging down my green tea she walks in with Pazham pori and chilli bajji. “Aiyo mole! You must eat” she says “i made these just for you” Just to please her i was FORCED to eat 3 of each!! But i had that cup of green tea so alls well. I hate that woman!

6:05 pm: Amma, are there any more bajjis left?

7:00 pm: Time for my pre dinner work out! I’m going to melt you away bajjis and pazham pori! You’re not going to know what hit you! I can’t wait to start burning off all that excess fat…I…OMG! 2 hours of Back to back F.R.I.E.N.D.S rerun! I’ll watch and work out.

9:00 pm: *Google Search* how many calories does sitting on the couch and laughing like crazy burn?

9:10 pm: Why is the world against me dieting? Dad came home with a KFC bucket! He made them put my favorite pieces in he says! Thanks dad! Thanks to you i will gain back all the weight i lost with this one day of dieting. I was doing so well till now! No no! You can’t take it away now! You have enticed me with it too much! Amma, where is the bottle of sauce?

10:00 pm: I will do butt and stomach clenches as i fall sleep to make up for all the KFC i ate

12:00 pm: *starts awake* Eh? what? who? Damn!

2:00 am: I’m hungry

6:00 am: Now look here missy! TODAY is the day!

Teenu Terrence

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